he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
