11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
