I puked a lego.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Come on in and take your pants off
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