Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize