Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
barbara walters just said penis...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
