someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
