I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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