i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
