i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
