I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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