is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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