It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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