Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
