Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
