rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
