I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
