I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize