ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
