The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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