no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
