First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
