man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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