Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this boner is exhausting
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I love having hate sex.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
