I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
