I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
