he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
