I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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