The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
