Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
