my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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