I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
