saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
