If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
