At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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