I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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