Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
