I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
