Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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