You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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