Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
