it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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