I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
