Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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