You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I love having hate sex.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
