Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
