i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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