do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
