Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
