I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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