..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
