Don't you send me to vm
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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