Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize