He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
