Got a toothbrush?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
