I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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