no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish I could punch you in the face.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
