If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
