We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
