Small penises have feelings too.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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