Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
