I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
