those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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