The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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