I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
